Joey, my dog

Beloved Joey, you alone
can melt my stolid heart of stone.
You bear an ever-pleasant face
despite your form devoid of grace.
My window guard, my home's defense,
with steadfast watch you govern whence.
A true companion to the end,
the quintessential man's best friend,
you tolerate my APUSH nights
and slumber soundly through the lights.
Yet, should an unexpected foe
approach our yard, you're never slow
to serenade with throaty yawp
and, only by my blessing, stop.
Now fully grown, perhaps senile,
you feel inclined to rest awhile
longer than in younger days,
yet your vitality I'll still praise.
With fondness I recall the years
of curly tail and precious ears;
though now your youth is far behind,
it's treasured in my heart and mind.
And surely I'll lament the day
when off to college I will stray;
for, Joey, dear fore'er to me,
I cannot bear to part with thee.

to CUFC 93 Black

Take heart, O boys, bear not a frown
Don't let one stumble pull you down
For though we wear not Julian's crown
Our passion no one can deny

Take heart, and don't in foibles drown
We sojourned to this foreign town
And tackled 'til our socks turned brown
They cannot say we didn't try

Take heart, though shots came whizzing past
Our true supporters stood aghast
They witnessed our defense hold fast
Our keeper to our aid did fly

Take heart, and briefly, now contrast
Today's performance with our last
For though we are a team miscast
They cannot say we didn't try

The Whitty Wizard

The wittiest guru a language has known

Now dwells in the man-cave on Caroline's throne

Appearing quite bashful, his pupils have grown

To savor his taciturn style;

This linguistic wizard of well-advanced age

Possesses the smarts of a regular sage

Don't let his looks fool you, white hair's all the rage

when paired with his sarcastic smile;

Through nickname appointing, he pleasures the class

The "wombat", the "native", and far more, alas

His jovial moments are fleeting yet crass

And always in healthy supply;

The sobering truth, though, which everyone knows

Is soon he'll unwind in retirement's repose

For, sure 'twill be painful to say, as he goes,

"Goodbye, Mr. Whitlatch, goodbye."

SAT essay | impartiality

Humankind possesses an unmistakable drive to seek truth, and though the human mind is clearly the greatest tangible source of ingenuity and innovation in this world, objective truth has yet to be found. A significant contributor to this sobering reality is that one truth cannot be determined by two parties with directly conflicting ideologies; there is simply no middle ground or compromise where ultimate truth can be found. Accordingly, any quest for accomplishment or discovery conducted by a person who is fundamentally biased in one direction is doomed for failure. Truth cannot be realized by a flawed person looking inside of himself, but only by a flawless entity - that is, God - who can remain impartial to a degree that no human could hope to reach.

This seemingly heady situation is played out time and time again in my own school, a small concentration of passionate students whose exuberance in the classroom often grows exponentially in the field of sports. Located in Charlotte, NC, my school serves as a divided ground between the fans of Duke University and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill athletic programs. As a Carolina fan myself, I enjoy engaging a Duke supporter in playful yet presentable arguments debating the age-old question of "Whose team is the best?" Yet my arguments' validity suffers without exception due to my own bias favoring the Tar Heels. Far from impartiality, I disqualify myself from the possibility of participating in a logical debate simply because I intrinsically view UNC Chapel Hill as representative of me personally, and Duke, conversely, as a sworn enemy of my existence.

On a more global level, the value of impartiality stands out in the arena of news broadcasting. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and various other American outlets are consistently regarded as biased toward either the political left or right, as liberal or conservative with remarkably little grey area. This natural bias likely arises in the producers and reporters of these networks because of their own political views as American citizens. For that reason, it seems rather unsurprising that the most objective source on American affairs, by consensus, is the British conglomerate BBC.

While, as humans, it is our own nature to seek truth and make discoveries of it in life, it is also our nature to associate ourselves with organizations or viewpoints and allow those viewpoints to characterize us as people. This intrinsic and subconscious drive to be biased is what acts as the ultimate stumbling block for objective decision making.

O Commissioner, my Commissioner

An earnest plea from NFL fans to Commissioner Roger Goodell,

with respect to the ongoing lockout of the 2011 offseason.

Dedicated to Michael Stewart

O Captain! my Captain! our season now is done;

The Steelers humbled by the Pack, who mercilessly won;

The trophy dealt, our hearts would melt to revel in its glory;

The Super Bowl, a venue home to Rodgers' classic story;

But O, it eludes us!

O the sport to which we've wed,

Football has, by lockout stymied,

Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! negotiations' play

is now more prominent than the stars of football are today;

Your issues with DeMaurice Smith must soon be all resolved;

Appease the hearts, relieve the grief of everyone involved.

Hear, Captain! Commissioner!

What game could take its stead?

Below your principled watch, our pastime's

Fallen cold and dead.

This Captain fails to answer, his actions dormant still;

His mere one-dollar paycheck proves his ever-dying will;

But O he'll laugh, as at the Draft he proudly will proclaim

That, longing for a CBA, a deal has been his aim;

Commend, O backs, and praise, O ends!

Yet we, of faithful tread,

At football's absence wither slowly,

Fallen cold and dead.